My day

I took Leslie to see University of West Georgia.  A definite maybe on her possible college list.  I simultaneously was excited for her, while I had to fight the urge not to throw up. I remember very clearly sitting in the orientation session and having an out of body experience.  I saw the leaders lips moving but I could not hear a word she said. My mind was instead racing while I had thoughts like, How can my baby be going to college?  Who is this tall redhead sitting next to me smiling and laughing? She looks so grown up! How can I have a child in college? I am only a kid myself.  Will she be able to find her classes?  What if she runs out of money the first month? 

All these thoughts fired in rapid succession, and were finally silenced when I heard her saying " Mom let's go, we are going to take the tour." She was giving me the look that meant "Do not say a word, don't try and make friendly conversation with the tour guide or I will never speak to you again."  

I managed to stumble along the tour keeping my mouth shut and blinking back tears.  This is for real. She is going to leave my little nest I have made for her.  As we looked at the rooms where she will live and eat, and study and laugh, I thought, her room will be empty next year.  I won't wake her up yelling, "If you do not get up right now I am driving you to school for the entire week!".  I won't peek in her room and see a pile of red hair ever which a way, and her sweet little mouth gaping open while she sleeps.  I won't hear MTV and VH1 and threaten to take away her TV if she doesn't turn off that "trashy TV". 

I've never been good at transition.  I like things the same way.  But things don't stay the same, ever.  I refuse to be a clingy mother.  When it's time to fly the coop, she'll be just fine. I will be too.