Does it really matter?

Whatever you think today....ask yourself...does it really matter?

In the grand scheme of life, in the big picture, is this worth me losing sleep over, fretting over or getting upset about?

From God's perspective, is this worth it, or should I let it go?

Will it make a difference one way or another, or will I just waste energy?

If it's worth it, stand, fight, cry, scream. If there are bigger things to worry about, let it go, and go on.

Hot date?

If your spouse, significant other, etc. planned a hot date for you.......where would he/she take you? What would his/her idea of romance be? Would it be different from your definition, or have you been together long enough that you could totally feel love because you know them so well?

Wayne Welch would take me to eat dinner somewhere that served red meat......He thinks that is the definition of fine dining. After dinner, he would take me to the movies, since he was planning a hot date, he'd suffer through a chick flick for me, buy me peanut M&M's and a diet coke,and hold my hand. I love that man!

If you asked me 17 years ago, it probably would have involved hot dogs and NASCAR......I was to shallow to appreciate the depth of his love at that point. We've grown alot!

nothing like a good cleansing cry

Anyone that really knows me, knows I am not a bit inhibited to cry. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm frustrated or mad. Pretty much any reason that comes along can induce tears from me. I own it, I stop trying to fight it years ago, I now I welcome the cleansing feeling that a good cry brings.

Wayne has no idea how good it feels. Because of course, I've only seen him cry three times. He doesn't know what he's missing.

I really wish I had a beautiful cry. I would love to look like Liv Tyler in "Armageddon" when she talks to her dad just before he goes into orbit and is frozen in minus 100 degrees. Remember? A solitary tear streams down her face? Instead, I sound like a seal. Yeah, that's right a barking seal. When I talk and cry you can barely make out the words, and they all have that sharp high pitched ring to them. I used to think that I probably sounded elegant. Maybe like Julia Roberts. Wayne crashed that image when he lovingly advised me just before I walked on stage at church to share a heart felt testimony. " Hey don't try to talk and cry, you sound like a seal."

OK thanks babe.

I really don't care what I look like or sound like, because I know what it feels like. I carried tears around behind my eyes all day. They had been trying to fall since I woke up. You know, no reason or every reason? My friend Heather called me tonight, and 5 seconds into the conversation, it felt like a pretty good time to let it go. Ahhh, nothing like a good cathartic cry. The best part is, she totally gets it, and I didn't even have to explain. She never said " Steph, I can't understand what you are saying, you sound like a seal." No, she just let me cry and when I was done I never felt like I had to explain or apologize. I have several good friends who I can cry with. I hope you do to. It's good for you!

Deliverance

Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name;

deliver us and forgive our sins for your name's sake.

Psalms 79:9

When you ask for God for deliverance, don't question His methods or means.

Hold on tight, 'cause sometimes it's a bumpy ride.

seven letter word for........

My summer has been reduced to a daily crossword challenge. Here at student heath I reap the rewards of a very busy school year, by having a very slow work environment for June and July. I really enjoy it in June, but by July, my ADD brain is struggling to make it through an 8 hour work day with such a light workload. This year, the new NP, Leah and I have decided that wasting time on the Internet is not nearly as productive to our brain cells as doing the daily crossword puzzle.

Before Leah got me hooked on crosswords, my idea of challenging was People's CW in the back page. The most difficult stumper was along the lines of:

Three letter word for "Heartbreaker" singer Benatar. If you answered "Pat" you are a winner!

I have graduated on to the daily Union Recorder. The obsession started small, I would casually glance thought the classifieds to find the puzzle on the back page. I realized things had gotten serious when I was lounging poolside with a folded up newspaper working on Nashville's Daily News puzzle during my vacation. I used to enjoy mindless drivel as a vacation read, but here I am doing crosswords! Last week I even picked up a puzzle book and browsed through it instead of my weekly peek and "Entertainment Weekly".

Today Leah brings in the New York Times. This thing is huge! It will take me all day and the excitement is palpable. If I finish by lunch, I may talk her into a round of shuffleboard!

It really was a great weekend....

Are you like me and live for the weekend? Is it just me or does your week seem to be a countdown until Friday at 5pm?

This weekend did not disappoint:
Friday night was the first time in a long time that both girls were home. Wayne loaded us up and took his three favorite girls to their favorite restaurant: Carrabas! We had such a great time. In a house full of women, there aren't too many days where our hormones are all in synch and we are in a fantastic mood at the same time. Friday night was one of those times and we laughed, enjoyed good food and let ourselves be teased by the man of the house. He took me to Dillards where I exchanged a ridiculous pair of shoes I bought last week. You would think that by this time I would be over the whole debate with myself about heels. Vanity won the battle, but comfort won the war. Took em back got a pair of sandals instead.

Saturday Wayne woke me up early and after coffee (for me) we headed out to Greensboro while the girls still snoozed. We spent a couple hours at the thrift shops, and habitat for humanity store. Even stopped at a few yard sales. He bought me an outside light, hanging basket, and that was really about all. We had lots of fun, and talked about what we are going to do in the back yard, now that the pool has bit the dust. Is it just a ridiculous fantasy of mine that I'll ever have a garden? Is that possible in the middle of the deer plantation I live on? Which reminds me, a doe and her baby are living in the front yard.(woods) Saw them tonight when we left for church.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning house then ran a long 4 mile run Wayne grilled out for us, and I finished the night by making him a huge lemon pound cake.

Today, Sunday was great. I love my Sunday School class! We had such a great time this morning! Seriously, I wonder why they come back every week! After church, we came home and I took a 2 hour nap. Ahhh, now I won't sleep tonight, but I squeezed every drop of goodness out of this weekend.
Tomorrow is Monday and I'm gonna try a new attitude. I can't wait to see what adventures await me tomorrow, the beginning of my new work week. Yeah I'm not feeling it but I'm gonna try!

Come run with me

This is the tenth day in a row that I have run. I have a love/ hate relationship with running. I love it when I'm doing it. I hate it when I'm out of shape and know I need to. I needed a jump start to get back to it. I have not run at all since I've had gallbladder issues then surgery, so two weeks ago I pulled out an old trick I've used before, 3 miles for 30 days. It's working so far, and actually today I was looking forward to running.

I love running for alot of reasons, I tell my friends it's because I'm getting old and I need to keep my heart healthy. They smile and nod, who am I kidding? They know I'm trying to fight middle age spread like everyone else. Running gives me solitude, and lets me process so many thoughts in my head. I do my best problem solving, anger resolving, and planning when I'm hitting the road.

Come with me today and see why I love it so much:

Good! My favorite shorts are clean! I pull them on and tell myself that I look sleek and lean in these black shorts. They don't ride up my thighs and that is essential if you want to get past mile 2. I head down the drive and try and try and find a place on my ipod to stop. What am I the mood for today? I stop on Journey. Oh yeah that'll work. I want to go 4 miles today and something mellow will help me take it slow.

It takes me about half a mile to get in the rhythm. First I have to work passed the heavy breathing and stiff legs, but soon, just as I head down the hill, I find my rhythm and now I can just let my mind drift. Today I think about my conversation with a good friend yesterday, who was having a hard time and I mentally try different solutions to her problem until I find one that seems to fit. Note to self...call her tonight.
I come around the curve and stop thinking, I tell myself not to be scared. I know that the bulldog at this house is on a chain, but he scares me every time as he lunges on the chain with teeth bared. "God don't let him get loose", my daily prayer at this point. God again holds onto the ugly mutt and I pick up my pace a little. I start to think about supper when I smell the neighbors cooking steaks. Mmmmm. They wave. I wave back. My left calf feels crampy. I gotta remember to stretch today. I look up, this is one of my favorite spots in my run. There are three horses that live in this pasture. They always look up at me. They seem to wonder, "Where are you going in such a rush?" This is where I like to stop and walk for a minute. Stretch out my leg cramp and watch them flip their tails. The white one, my favorite prances up to the fence and I smile at her. She never gets close enough to pet. Doesn't trust me that much. My cramp is gone and I head up the road. I've finished 2.5 miles. Mi ipod is belting out "Open Arms" and I smile. I love that song. I can see three girls in a maroon Ford Granada, cruising down Main Street and singing at the top of our lungs. We thought we know all about love way back then. we didn't know squat.
That thought flies out of my mind as I feel the wet nudge of my friend "big brown boy" That's what I call him anyway. This part of the run, the big chocolate lab at the yellow house on the left, always runs out, licks my hand and jogs along for about half a mile. I ask him how his day's been, how many squirrels he's chased, and if he's jumped in the lake. He turns his attention to the kids, playing on the dock. I hear them laughing and shoving each other in the lake. That reminds me how thirsty I am and how heavy my cotton t shirt feels now that it's soaked in sweat.
I round the curve and head home. The last half mile is easy. My leg isn't cramping anymore. My legs feel like lead, and my hair is soaked. I love the wore out feeling. I think about how thankful I am that I can run. I think about how many 40 year old women are in worse shape than I am. I think about that candy bar I ate on the way home from Walmart. Hope I worked it all off. I think about how exhausted 4 miles just made me and what a stretch it would be to ever run a marathon, my ultimate goal. I look up and see Wayne on the deck, grilling our supper. He sees me and smiles and says "Go take a shower, you stink!"