Office Party Rules

Last night was my office party. Um, Yeah it was...interesting. Can I invite you to follow these simple rules at your Christmas office party?
1)If you are involved in a gift exchange, do not give sweaters, especially holiday ones that involve applique as your gift.
2)No matter where you order to eat do not give lengthy, complicated orders to the waiter. Just eat it for goodness sake!
3)Please do not drink in excess. This may be OK at a frat party, or at you cousin Ernie's Christmas keg get together, but not at the office party.
4)If you choose to ignore rule #3 please stay off the table.
5)If you still ignore Rule #3, please have a friend or coworker assigned to help you stay dressed at all times.
6) Again, if you ignore rule #3, please do not hit on the 18 year old male waiter, oh wait a minute, she was sober, OK, this rule applies if drunk or sober!

By following these simple rules, you can assure yourself of a fun time, while maintaining your employment!